I feel like I have some knowledge to share on this subject. Much of it learned from personal experience as a swimmer and a coach.

This is my motto and what I tell my parents at the beginning of the season. Tell your swimmer how happy you are to be with them at the event and how nice it is to watch them swim. That's it.

"But, but, but what if little Johnny didn't try his hardest and slacked off on that race?"

"I'll talk to him, I'm the coach, it's my job."

"What if their stroke didn't look right? Shouldn't I say something?"

"Nope, not your job. Be supportive of their efforts and let me be the coach."

"What if they missed their event?"

"I'm sure they are embarrassed and feel bad enough already. Plus, they have to come talk to me too. They don't need to hear it a third time from you."

"But what about all of my time I have invested this weekend."

Trust me I understand, I really do. But what kind of emotions do you want your child to associate with competition? Think about it. Let the coach be the bad guy if he/she needs to be.

A wise man once told my mother when I was a 10 & under swimmer. "I'll push her to succeed; you push her to participate." I have shared that with mixed results. I've upset some parents with it and pleased others. My mother asked my coach what she should do with me in regard to swimming and that was his answer. I have never been so grateful that she followed it. By the way that coach was Bob Gillett, Swimming Hall of Fame inductee, and coach to gold medalist Misty Hyman.

I have witnessed swimmers destroyed by their parents. Swimmers who had Junior, Senior, US Open cuts fall to pieces in high school, broken by the pressure to please.

My 'share' story is about one rotten swim as a teenager and the comment my mom made afterward. It was a 200 IM at the ASU pool, my mom was the lane time, I know I added more than :10 seconds. I got out, rolled my eyes and gave an emphatic "ugh" to which she said, "Honey you looked great out there, let's go out to lunch."

I've been cursed at by parents of my peers growing up and I've been cursed at by parents who didn't think I was doing the right thing for their swimmer. Unfortunately, its part of the game. As a coach and a parent, I can understand another parent wanting the absolute best for their swimmer. Most coaches do not take attacks personally because they know this. However, it doesn't make life for their swimmer any easier knowing mom or dad went after coach, and it doesn't make it acceptable behavior.

As parents it is our job to make a positive environment for our children to flourish in. Most children want to please their coaches, teammates, and parents. They don't need to be chewed to bits after a bad swim, let the coach tell them how to make it better next time and you just keep on cheering.

I love my parents for lots of reasons, one of them being they never tried to coach me, not once.